Drinking humor

Macland

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
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RATTFINK

XN OG Admin.
Founding Member
Location
Conroe, TX
[video=youtube_share;KgWGHWNXC1E]http://youtu.be/KgWGHWNXC1E[/video]






well, as i came home on Monday night
as drunk as drunk could be
I sar a harse outside the door
where my old harse should be
so i called the whife and i said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me, who owns that harse outside the dar where moy old harse should be?"
"aaah ya drunk ya drunk you silly old fool, i tell you cannot see thats a lovely Sow that me mother sent to me"
"where many a days I travel, a hundered miles or more, but a sow with a saddle on, i never saw before"
Now, as I came home on Tuesday night
as drunk as drunk could be
i sar a coat behind the dar where moy old coat should be
so i called the whife and said to her, "WIll you kindly tell to me, who owns that coat behind the dar, where moy old coat should be?"
"aaah, ya drunk ya drunk ya silly old fool, i tell you cannot see, thats a lovely blanket that me mother sent to me"
"well many's the day i travel, a hundred mile or more, but buttons on a blanket sure I never seen before"
And as i went home on wednesday night
as drunk as drunk could be
I sar a pipe upon the chair where moy old pipe should be
I called the whife and i said to her, "will you kindly tell to me, who owns that pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be?"
"aaah ya drunk ya drunk, ya silly old fool, still ya cannot see, thats a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me."
"well a manys the day i travel, a hundered miles or more, but tobacco in a tin whistle sure i never seen before"
AAnd as I, went home on Thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I sar two boots beneath the bed
Where my two boots should be
so i called the Whife
and i said to her, " will you kindly tell to me, who owns those boots beneath the bed, where moy old boots should be?"
"aaaah! ya drunk ya drunk you silly old fool, tell ya cannot see, thats a lovely geranuim pot me mother sent to me"
"well as manys the day i travel , a hundred miles or more, but laces on a geranuim pot, i never seen before"
And a- I went home on friday night
as drunk as dllunk could be
I saw a head
upon the bed
where my own head should be
so i called the whife and i said to har,"will you kindly tell to me, who owns, that head, upon the bed, where my old head should be"
"AHHH! ya drunk ya durnk ya silly old fool, tell ya cannot see, thats a baby boy that me mother sent to me"
"Well it's manys a day i travel, a hundred miles or more, But a baby boy with whiskers, THAT i never seen before"

"oh a drunk ya drunk ya silly old fool, YA DRUNK! Your a silly old fool! your drunk! Your drunk!! Ya silly old fool, your drunk! your drunk!!"
 

Macland

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
saw this on fmylife.com

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

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Kris&HerX

Bumpers Installed
Founding Member
Location
Boise, ID
Drinking Wisdom
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up . . . reading." Henny Youngman

"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." Dave Barry

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway

"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror." John Mooney

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver." Phil Harris

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis

"I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two."
James Bond
 

JeffPro4x

Hot Pipe
Super Moderator
Supporting Member
Location
Glenside, PA
Huge fan of CAH. I signed up for their "10 days or whatever of kwanza" this year and got some cool stuff from them. Including personalized cards and 1sq ft of property on their private island in Maine.

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