Job might not be for me.

[ericcris10sen]

Trying to figure out if this job is for me. Lately I've been either depressed or just kinda pissed at the National Park Service, which is where I work. A lot of parks don't allow dogs on trails or really anywhere in the park, which pretty much won't allow the rangers who live and work there, to have pets, i.e. hamsters, dogs, cats, birds, fish (well, maybe fish but if you're moving around every 6 months, it won't be good for the fish). I've always wanted to adopt a dog into my life. I'm 25 and I'm always on my own and I feel like a dog would seriously lift my spirits as well as just helping the dog out by getting them out of the shelter and into a home.

A lot of the NPS sites have houses for permanent employees and then either cottages, dorms, or shared housing for seasonal's. If you're permanent you would typically be allowed to have a furry friend with you, but if you're seasonal, it's practically a no-go. Well, why not live out of the park in an apartment? That WOULD be nice but for a couple reasons. 1.) You're there for 4-6 months, meaning depending on the apartment manager, you'll have to pay an extra fee to leave early. Some won't allow you to move in at all if you're staying for that long. 2.) Sometimes we're 1-2 hours from the nearest city that has any apartments.

I don't have any REAL technical skills when it comes to looking for a new job. I was military, an armored truck driver, wildland fire, and then I went into the Park Service. I love this job and I love the idea of going all over the U.S. working in beautiful areas and helping people enjoy their vacation. I'm damn good at this job and I really can't imagine doing anything else.

It's so easy to say "Just look for a permanent position". But the problem is, there aren't a lot out there. I'm pretty new to the NPS so I don't have a TON of experience in being a supervisor here yet, which is what the permanents usually are. Or they're sitting behind a desk doing paperwork which is what I WILL NOT DO.

I don't know. Where I work, we have sled dogs and I just feel so DAMN HAPPY when I'm around them. I know when I have a bad day at work (which is frequently. We deal with over a thousand visitors a day. Some nice, some well, some not so nice) I can just go to them and they'll make my worries go away. I know having a dog to go to will be non existent when I leave in September, and I'm dreading that. I'm just so pissed right now at the NPS for not allowing dogs in housing. I think dogs in general (and all other animals) make people happy and it's GREAT for moral. Depending on the park, it can be very hectic, such as this one. I honestly think if parks allowed people to have dogs in the park, it'd make the NPS lifestyle a little bit better.

Just right now, I don't know what to do.

 

[drbandkgb]

Good luck sir

 

[XTorrey]

What if you volunteered for an animal shelter during some of your free time? You might not be able to keep those animals, but you might make a huge difference when they need the most love and reassurance they've ever needed in their lives.

 

[Casper]

For most, this would be a tough call that makes them mad.
For me, it's quite simple. Your not gonna change the rules, no matter how much you want to, so no reason to get mad at that. So really you have one of two choices.

1. Decide that having a fuzzy family member is more important then working for the NPS. Quit, take whatever job you can find that pays the bills and be happy, because you have a fuzzy family member.

2. Decide that working for the NPS is more important then having a fuzzy family member at this point in your life. Continue to work for them, and NOT BE MAD AT YOUR DECISION. Period.

That's it, when you come down to it. Sure, you can be mad at the NPS, the guest, the world, but it won't help a thing. Only you can decide what is right for you. Once you decide, be happy with that choice.

I have wanted an Alaskan Malamute since before I could walk as a child (well, not really, but dam close) I waited almost 30 years before I finally decided it was time. Why??? Because although I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanted one, it wasn't the right time in my life. I'm super glad I waited. Porthos, my first pup was the love of my life, and we had the time of our lives because I had waited as long as I had. Aramis, my second fuzzy Musketeer is now just as special to me.

Good luck, I know you won't think it's as easy as I describe here now, but one day, you will.

Cheers,
Josh
&
Aramis

 

[TJTJ]

I think the above are all true.

The part of what you are saying that, to me at least, seems MOST important, is not whether or not you get a dog to help with your depression and loneliness, but that you have depression and loneliness.

A lot of what you discussed the dog would do for you was essentially "medicinal" in nature, and, that indicates that perhaps you might consider talking to someone professionally about your feeling lonely and blue.

Getting a dog might cure symptoms, the way an aspirin might help a headache, but, if the head ache is from an axe in your head, the aspirin might be short of a full cure.

So, sure, the dog would get a loving and devoted master/friend and be potentially saved from a pound, and its all a win for the dog...but, he'd be getting a master who will be NEEDING the dog to cure him. The dog would typically be OK with that, but, the master may end up delaying longer term/deeper cures.

If the hardships involved with career changes add further stress, even with a dog, you will be potentially even more vulnerable.

If honest, in an interview for the new job, you'd be saying you were really lonely and sad so you wanted a dog because dogs make you happy...but the current job won't fit dog ownership into it, so, you want to be hired here instead.

Does this ring true?

 

[robcarync]

I think the above are all true.

The part of what you are saying that, to me at least, seems MOST important, is not whether or not you get a dog to help with your depression and loneliness, but that you have depression and loneliness.

A lot of what you discussed the dog would do for you was essentially "medicinal" in nature, and, that indicates that perhaps you might consider talking to someone professionally about your feeling lonely and blue.

Getting a dog might cure symptoms, the way an aspirin might help a headache, but, if the head ache is from an axe in your head, the aspirin might be short of a full cure.

Agreed. My wife went through a similar situation in law school. She was in a city away from her family and friends, and stressed out and lonely and wanted a dog. I was able to talk her out of it...but I kept saying the same thing you are. A dog doesn't address the root cause of her being lonely. There was underlying issues she had to learn to accept and handle on her own.

 

[ericcris10sen]

What if you volunteered for an animal shelter during some of your free time? You might not be able to keep those animals, but you might make a huge difference when they need the most love and reassurance they've ever needed in their lives.

That would be nice but unfortunately, not all parks are close to a shelter or hell, even a city. Some are hours from the nearest city. That REALLY would be something I'd consider. I was actually thinking about doing that at my last park but it was towards the end of my stay.

For most, this would be a tough call that makes them mad.
For me, it's quite simple. Your not gonna change the rules, no matter how much you want to, so no reason to get mad at that. So really you have one of two choices.

1. Decide that having a fuzzy family member is more important then working for the NPS. Quit, take whatever job you can find that pays the bills and be happy, because you have a fuzzy family member.

2. Decide that working for the NPS is more important then having a fuzzy family member at this point in your life. Continue to work for them, and NOT BE MAD AT YOUR DECISION. Period.

That's it, when you come down to it. Sure, you can be mad at the NPS, the guest, the world, but it won't help a thing. Only you can decide what is right for you. Once you decide, be happy with that choice.

I have wanted an Alaskan Malamute since before I could walk as a child (well, not really, but dam close) I waited almost 30 years before I finally decided it was time. Why??? Because although I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanted one, it wasn't the right time in my life. I'm super glad I waited. Porthos, my first pup was the love of my life, and we had the time of our lives because I had waited as long as I had. Aramis, my second fuzzy Musketeer is now just as special to me.
Good luck, I know you won't think it's as easy as I describe here now, but one day, you will.

Cheers,
Josh
&
Aramis

You're absolutely right. But I'm actually hoping and praying that an opportunity comes along where I work at a park that accepts employees having a dog or if I get a term/permanent position that'll allow me to have a pet. I definitely won't be able to get one now. In this environment and me not being used to it as well as the small paychecks we get, I am definitely going to have to wait.

I think the above are all true.

The part of what you are saying that, to me at least, seems MOST important, is not whether or not you get a dog to help with your depression and loneliness, but that you have depression and loneliness.

A lot of what you discussed the dog would do for you was essentially "medicinal" in nature, and, that indicates that perhaps you might consider talking to someone professionally about your feeling lonely and blue.

Getting a dog might cure symptoms, the way an aspirin might help a headache, but, if the head ache is from an axe in your head, the aspirin might be short of a full cure.

So, sure, the dog would get a loving and devoted master/friend and be potentially saved from a pound, and its all a win for the dog...but, he'd be getting a master who will be NEEDING the dog to cure him. The dog would typically be OK with that, but, the master may end up delaying longer term/deeper cures.

If the hardships involved with career changes add further stress, even with a dog, you will be potentially even more vulnerable.

If honest, in an interview for the new job, you'd be saying you were really lonely and sad so you wanted a dog because dogs make you happy...but the current job won't fit dog ownership into it, so, you want to be hired here instead.

Does this ring true?

Well I have some issues in the ol' noggin from some of my previous jobs and I will guarantee that it plays a large part of why I am the way I am and feel the way I feel. I've actually been to 3-4 therapists. First ones were while I was still doing the job and the others were with the VA. All of them SUCKED. I could tell they really didn't care about what I was going through and didn't even try with me. That's one reason I don't go to therapists, as well as hours I work, days I have off, and my location isn't ideal with going to see one.

That is a REALLY good analogy! And you're right. I don't think adopting a dog will make me happy and all my problems will go away forever. But even just feeling TRUE happiness. No fake happiness but TRUE happiness is awesome in my books. But I do need to get to the root of it and fix it from there. I do understand that.

Agreed. My wife went through a similar situation in law school. She was in a city away from her family and friends, and stressed out and lonely and wanted a dog. I was able to talk her out of it...but I kept saying the same thing you are. A dog doesn't address the root cause of her being lonely. There was underlying issues she had to learn to accept and handle on her own.

The thing is, it's VERY difficult to have a gf/bf in this career field as well as have a STRONG friendship with someone, because you're moving around every 4-6 months. You aren't going to be together with that person for very long and while you might still be friends with a person, you won't be able to talk face-to-face, go out for food, go hiking, etc etc. You might go to a park like my last one where no one wanted to do anything. They'd get off work and they'd either have a family to go to or they'd just want to sit at home and do their own thing. My last park was horrible. If it wasn't for my Arizona Xterra club members going off roading with me or having areas to go off roading, I'd go insane lol There was NOTHING to do there lol....And I was there for a year :|

------------------

And you're ALL right. I know exactly what you're talking about and I agree with you. I hate to make it seem like I'm being complicated and I'm making excuses, but I'm just telling you how I feel and even though this might be the wrong place to talk about it, I thought I needed it off my chest because today at work that was all I was thinking of and my emotions were getting the best of me. I do appreciate the comments!

 

[TJTJ]

Hey, if you can't unload to your friends, who can you unload to?



I hear you about the therapists sucking, a lot do unfortunately. A lot of doctors suck in general, so, its really a question of finding the right one. In your case, as you might be moving on in a few months, it makes it even harder to find one, build a rapport and trust required for it to work, and then have time to make headway. The VA is, in particular, really bad as you've found out.

To spin the issue around, the park you're at is what's getting you down, but, you say they move you every few months (Why you can't have a GF, etc...), so, in a few months, the problem might self-resolve at the next one.

It IS possible to make new friends even if you know you're potentially "just passing through", and its even possible to stay in touch/visit occasionally, etc...via social media, airlines, etc. If you don't make connections with the people around you, its very isolating.


Waaay back when I was a kid, one of my neighbor's was a family that wasn't allowed to make friends (Because when they move they'd have to lose them), and they never planted a bush or tree in their yard, or made any improvements (Because they might move...).....so, the kids were isolated and lonely, didn't develop social skills, and were generally miserable. If they TRIED to make a freind, their parents would find out and "Forbid it", answer the door by saying their kid didn't want to be friends anymore, and to go away and never come back, etc (Freaky).

So, last time I checked, the parents STILL lived there, but the kids were all grown and out, etc...and still struggling to make it in the world. As I lived there in about the middle of the last century, and its now 2014, obviously, their concern about moving was a bit over biased....but, the damage was done.

The lesson they (Unintentionally) taught me, was to reach out no matter what. Talk to the guy next to you in the supermarket check out line, the gas station attendant, the girl next to you in the bar or church, etc....just be brave enough to reach out, and if nothing comes of it, so what...it will sometimes, and, you may connect with a kindred spirit. It becomes habit to just be friendly to everyone, everywhere. If you show an interest in someone....say stopping to chat instead of just nodding as you pass the same person everyday, etc...its like watering a plant. It grows. It may be a weed, or a tree...but it grows. You can always mow the ones you are OK with not watering more, or, add fertilizer, etc.

The point is that the best way to STAY lonely is to not make any connections, as that about guarantees it. If you feel too afraid to risk rejection, and feel the therapists can't help you, help yourself, talk yourself into being brave enough to be rejected (Breaking even), and think about what having a buddy to meet up with after work/go fishing/off roading with, a GF, etc, would do for you, and if its worth the risk. (Coming out ahead)

If fishing, how many casts are enough?

 

[robcarync]

TJTJ...Internet Xterra Expert and Therapist...all great points.


I think the best thing to consider is: in 4-6 months, the issue could resolve itself when you move again.

 

[Macland]

Ditto what TJTJ said no but really. This is a great place to talk about things like this. There's such a diverse group of people here with ranging ages/perspectives that you can truly egg good advice like what TJ has said. My best wishes to you man, I hope things start looking up.

 

[ericcris10sen]

Hey, if you can't unload to your friends, who can you unload to?



I hear you about the therapists sucking, a lot do unfortunately. A lot of doctors suck in general, so, its really a question of finding the right one. In your case, as you might be moving on in a few months, it makes it even harder to find one, build a rapport and trust required for it to work, and then have time to make headway. The VA is, in particular, really bad as you've found out.

To spin the issue around, the park you're at is what's getting you down, but, you say they move you every few months (Why you can't have a GF, etc...), so, in a few months, the problem might self-resolve at the next one.

It IS possible to make new friends even if you know you're potentially "just passing through", and its even possible to stay in touch/visit occasionally, etc...via social media, airlines, etc. If you don't make connections with the people around you, its very isolating.


Waaay back when I was a kid, one of my neighbor's was a family that wasn't allowed to make friends (Because when they move they'd have to lose them), and they never planted a bush or tree in their yard, or made any improvements (Because they might move...).....so, the kids were isolated and lonely, didn't develop social skills, and were generally miserable. If they TRIED to make a freind, their parents would find out and "Forbid it", answer the door by saying their kid didn't want to be friends anymore, and to go away and never come back, etc (Freaky).

So, last time I checked, the parents STILL lived there, but the kids were all grown and out, etc...and still struggling to make it in the world. As I lived there in about the middle of the last century, and its now 2014, obviously, their concern about moving was a bit over biased....but, the damage was done.

The lesson they (Unintentionally) taught me, was to reach out no matter what. Talk to the guy next to you in the supermarket check out line, the gas station attendant, the girl next to you in the bar or church, etc....just be brave enough to reach out, and if nothing comes of it, so what...it will sometimes, and, you may connect with a kindred spirit. It becomes habit to just be friendly to everyone, everywhere. If you show an interest in someone....say stopping to chat instead of just nodding as you pass the same person everyday, etc...its like watering a plant. It grows. It may be a weed, or a tree...but it grows. You can always mow the ones you are OK with not watering more, or, add fertilizer, etc.

The point is that the best way to STAY lonely is to not make any connections, as that about guarantees it. If you feel too afraid to risk rejection, and feel the therapists can't help you, help yourself, talk yourself into being brave enough to be rejected (Breaking even), and think about what having a buddy to meet up with after work/go fishing/off roading with, a GF, etc, would do for you, and if its worth the risk. (Coming out ahead)

If fishing, how many casts are enough?

Oh yea definitely! You need to find a good therapist and stay in that area for a while in order to make headway! It's just not possible in this career field. I've somewhat made friends with the people I work with, but not so much that I am friends with them through email/Facebook. I rarely work with anyone around my age but even though I get along with everyone I work with, it's not on a more personal level. Wow that's really horrible that they had to grow up in that kind of lifestyle! Lol I've always been a rather quiet person and the main reason being I find myself rather boring and not a ton of awesome life experiences like others have, so I don't really connect with people. But when there's some who are interested in the same things, I will talk forever with them about it and we usually become good friends.

TJTJ...Internet Xterra Expert and Therapist...all great points.


I think the best thing to consider is: in 4-6 months, the issue could resolve itself when you move again.

That is a possibility. Or if I get into a different career field in the NPS.

Ditto what TJTJ said no but really. This is a great place to talk about things like this. There's such a diverse group of people here with ranging ages/perspectives that you can truly egg good advice like what TJ has said. My best wishes to you man, I hope things start looking up.

Thank you

 

[TJTJ]

YOU don't have to be interesting...people would MUCH rather talk about themselves...all you need to do is give them the opportunity.

You might find you ARE more interesting than you think BTW. EVERYONE has a story...and, you served, you are in park service, you off road, etc...and, while YOU might feel that stuff is boring, think about the people who you DID make friends with.

What did THEY talk about that you found so enthralling? Anything? Or was it they just laughed at your jokes, shared some experiences, and you felt you could talk to them/they could talk to you? (Same stuff YOU talk about..)

It comes down to CARING. If you care, and they care...its all good. That takes cultivation. You don't need to dance around with a lampshade on your head to be noticed/not be yourself...just a comment along the lines of, hey, where'd you get those tires?/what's the secret for beating the line at this place? - or other things that require more than a yes/no reply, so a conversation can open up...and let them tell you their life story, as, they seem to like to tell it...and you are the only one who seemed interested.

InterESTED makes friends faster than interESTING.